dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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