road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm always down for nudity.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
