Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
And then my night got REAL pukey
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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