don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
