ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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