who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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