This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
