Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
