i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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