I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
