my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Randomize