he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
