I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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