paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
