Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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