Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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