Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
