you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
