I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
