apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Randomize
