How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
