wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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