standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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