I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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