I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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