New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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