While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
