and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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