Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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