You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
