Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
