Too much gin, very little bucket
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
