Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
