Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
