she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
