Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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