guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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