i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
