Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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