i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
