I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
