omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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