just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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