So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
