Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
