You're so nebulous sometimes
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
