HIV tests are more positive than that guy
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
