Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Sorry my hands just texted you
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
