Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
