Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
