yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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