i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
