True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
