I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
It all started with a game of naked twister.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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