apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
