There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I need to sanitize my soul.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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